I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You're like the curious george of whores
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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