I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
