i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When are your genitals available?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
