hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
