So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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