I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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