He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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