Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
