New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
