Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize