Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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