You made me cry and you don't even care
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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