woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize