Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
