plz talk dirty to me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize