my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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