So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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