You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
