I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
