my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
