My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
