How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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