apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
