woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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