She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
