he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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