my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
