So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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