well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize