u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
please come you make the beer taste better
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
