Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
