That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
