My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
