so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
PANTIES FOUND
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