I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
