for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
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