I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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