hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
