Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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