He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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