HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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