i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
