its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
