Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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