your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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