omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
