my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
