You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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