honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
