rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
