Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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