For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Mom said you looked used
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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