Plan B is the new Plan A
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
