Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
