you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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