one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
whose ass print is on the piano?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
