party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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