a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
