i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
