You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I need water and some morals
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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