when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
