i just had sex bonerless
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
