some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
