go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
