So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
where does the pee come out of this thing
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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