Your face is a jimmy john
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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