wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
