Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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