He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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