yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
