That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
