its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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