Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
