Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize