ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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