well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
