please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
