Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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