Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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