when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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