You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
