You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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