SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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