The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
