I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
