Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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