You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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