so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
